I have good intentions. A lot of the time. Regarding a lot of things.
I sometimes wish that I could just show people how much I think about things and how much energy I put into trying to make things right, or hang out, or help, or make a difference. But most of the time I just don't feel like I make the mark.
I wanted to be the kind of person who gauged life differently. Someone who listed accomplishments with emotional tacks, not lines on an arbitrary paper. But the world isn't set up that way and I am not the dreamer I thought I was. The price of a dream is much more than sleep it turns out.
So maybe I bow down. I accept that I can't conform to anything but conformity and I go all in. I give of myself until there is nothing left and just sit back and hope things don't fall apart. I don't see much choice.
I think sometimes everything would be better if I could just sit in the park and swing. I tried. It made me nauseous. I think that sums it up.
